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Eros in an Envelope: Valentines for Dark Romances

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Sure, we all dream of sitting in a darkened parlor, looping the lyrical phrases and deepest confessions of forbidden desires across the page for no one’s eyes but our immortal beloved. But who has the time? A lack of poetic genius or adequately flowing handwriting shouldn’t keep you from sending someone a special message this Valentine’s Day. We’ve gathered a wide selection of cards, from ardent to cheeky, for both the Gothic parlor and brooding time-challenged darklings of the world. It’ll work better than an arrow to the heart, we promise.

Cold Black Heart

The perfect card for hopeless romantics and vampires alike. Perfect for your immortal beloved or special blood donor. Awkward Affections//$5

Till the End of Time

Is there a special someone you want to decompose with? This beautifully drawn skull Valentine is the perfect way to tell them. Nightingale Projects//$5

Frankenstein Valentine

Image via Daemon 237

Daemon 237 has a spine-tingling assortment of neon horrors, perfect for that special ghoul in your life. We’d be shocked (please, hold your applause) if your Valentine didn’t love this card. Daemon 237//$3.80

Edible Vintage Skeleton Card

Have your card and eat it, too. These gorgeous edible cards come in a number of skeletal and anatomical styles, perfect for telling your Valentine it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Conjurer’s Kitchen//$10.96

Friends That Slay Together

Image via Sweet Ingenuity

Valentine’s doesn’t have to be all sexy and mushy. It’s also the perfect opportunity to let that special friend know how much you appreciated that thing with the wood chipper that one time. Sweet Ingenuity//$4.19

Love You To Death

This card is a delightful kaleidoscope of skulls, bats, bugs, and witchy potion bottles. Nicole Lawson Studio//$3.65

Love Is Blind

Image via Nancy Farmer

What do the dolls get up to when we’re not around? Bondage, of course. Nancy Farmer has an entire line of these beloved childhood toys being oh-so naughty. Nancy Farmer//$3.29

Skeletal Lover Valentine

Image via Leigh Anita

Any one of the three styles featuring this elegant couple would make the perfect love token and memento mori, all in one. Leigh Anita//$6

Love You To Pieces

Image via Wit & Whistle

It’s important to take a moment to remember the true spirit of the holiday: gruesome dismemberment. Wit & Whistle//$4.50

Raven Card

Image via Print is Dead

Everything doesn’t have to be hearts and skulls. This gorgeously witchy card features a ravishing raven and flowers. It’s perfect for sending a few kind thoughts to a fellow darkling or a moving sonnet to the one who holds your heart. Ravens are versatile like that. Print is Dead//$4.38+

Audrey and Seymour

Nothing brings people together like a monstrous, man-eating plant. Nick Gribbon Pop Art//$5.85

Secure Safeword

Image via Skip the Roses

Safe, sane, consensual, and secure. Because the last thing you want after a night with your sweetie is a virus. Skip the Roses//$4.50

Till Death And Beyond

Image via Sea and Lake

For the person you love almost as much as your Ouija board. (We’ve got to get our kickback from big planchette, right?) Sea and Lake//$4.50

See You In Hell Set

Sure, all the puritans pretend to care about your relationship with the dark lord, but we’re beginning to think their interest is only superficial. They didn’t even ask where you went for your anniversary. 69 Things To Do With A Dead Princess//$3.50

Featured images via Nick Gribbon Pop Art, Leigh Anita, and Daemon 237

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About The Author

Emily Vakos is a strange lady who usually writes odd little stories. She enjoys films, myths, games, and things that go bump in the night. You can find her on Facebook or on Twitter @ervakos.

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