“Excuse me, miss. Do you have anything in Baphomet?”
The Victoria’s Secret floor attendant cocks her head like a labradoodle hearing a train whistle.
“How about the alchemical symbol for brimstone?”
“Satan!” you scream.
“Satin?” she gasps.
“Lucifer! The Devil! SIX SIX SIX!”
By now you are licking the gap between your finger horns, and perversely gyrating and Ghost is blasting out of nowhere. But security is on the way. There will be no Satanic panties for you. Not even overpriced, peach-colored satin.
It will be another night out stalking the innocent while going commando.
Or will it, dear reader?
Satan Is Waitin’
Ah, Satan is Waitin’. He’s probably exhausted his phone games and is wandering around looking for a vending machine. He may have even left already. What are you doing?! You never keep Satan waitin’!
Luckily you can plaster this nice reminder to your ass to keep yourself perfectly punctual for your date with the devil. Creep Street//$16.
Finally, a thong that signifies, “The Regret-Filled Hate-fuck Will Now Begin!” He’ll be judging himself for months, thinking about what happened once these beauties made an appearance. Slapped together by some enterprising person on Cafe Press, we’re guessing that if these panties appeal to you, you probably don’t care much about the brand. Or anything. Cafe Press//$12.
Sigil of Lucifer
MY VAGINA IS THE LIGHTBRINGER. MY VAGINA IS THE DAYBREAKER. MY VAGINA IS THE MORNINGSTAR. NOW GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PREPARE TO FALL FROM GRACE. RiotxDrift//$12.
The message these Baph panties sends is: “There is probably some combination of fucked up words you can say to me that will get me to have sex with you.” In which case, welcome to Dear Darkling! The bathroom’s on the left, and the password to the dungeon is “necromancy.”
Are you the kind of person who just wears panties as clothes in public? If you’re going to push the boundaries of societal norms, these are the underwear with which to do it. ETHERstore//$20.
Killstar has been giving beautiful Satanic trainwrecks a reason to cut each other’s clothes off since 1922, and these adorably patterned Baph panties are SO GREAT and SO CUTE. He will think you’re precious even as you sacrifice him to Satan for one corn chip. KILLSTAR//$22.
We would certainly be remiss to mention Satanic pantaloons without featuring our good friend Katja Diktator, whom we’ve featured before to much infernal fanfare. This lacy pentathong actually feels a little too classy to write about here. But if you have a lover with a taste for the dark and forbidden, these are a guaranteed showstopper.
Furthermore, Ms. Diktator herself has offered to give away a pentathong in any size to one of our Patreon backers. So, you know. Get on that, so you can get these on you. Diktator Fashion Lab//$38.54+.
Featured Image Credits: The gorgeous motherfuckers at CreepStreet, who really understand us.